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Tantra – and how to apply it in your relationship

Basic tips and techniques to merge sexuality with spirituality, improve your relationship, enjoy lasting love and vitality in your life…

Tantra originated in the Vedic writings in India over 3 500 years ago and it is believed that the spoken practice was passed on very selectively and secretly to highly evolved individuals for centuries prior to that.

Tantra in Sanskrit means “woven together” and relates to the sacred union of the male and female energies. Using the sacred union of male and female by applying different techniques and a certain state of mind can be a great spiritual evolution.

Sacred sexuality is a gateway to enter into higher consciousness and increasing the connection with the higher power. Its nature is accessing the most powerful life-giving, god-like activity possible in a human form.

There are many benefits: not only does the sexual experience itself become more enriched and satisfactory, but the state of full presence achieved by the exercise of tantric techniques brings an ecstatic experience of bliss to the explorer. Your beloved becomes a channel for you to connect to the higher realms.

Here are a few basic entry level techniques to engage in the magic of Tantra:

·         Deciding on doing tantric sex and actually having a date!

Almost anything these days that you diarise, you have a better chance to complete. When you allocate the time in your very busy schedule, you have no excuses not to fulfill it. You may think that the sexual experience looses the spontaneity, but remember, when you come prepared with the right state of mind, you opt for a better and more profound experience.

·         Stick to your date even if you don’t feel like it.

It is like going to gym – sometimes we don’t feel like it, but,  if we end up going we really feel better about ourselves and reap the benefits of the workout.  So, don’t fall into a trap of the games that your mind plays with you (especially if there are sexual blockages). Even if you feel tired, have a quick shower and do it anyway, you will be energised!

·         Create the right environment and even better, take it out of bed!

The bed is used for sleeping and for most couples it becomes a place of mundane sex, so make it an adventure and explore other options (best is a comfortable mattress with pillows on the floor, where you have enough space to move around). Consciously prepare your space and make it sacred by having the intention to make it so. Clear the space from clutter, play soft  music, light candles and incense, place fresh flowers and anything else that warms your heart and makes you feel good and special (stones, special pictures, natural music instruments, nice pillows, etc)

·         Start with some movement and breathing exercises

Movement is great as it makes your body generate heat and energy, release stress and also calms the mind; it helps to bring you into the space and root you deeper into the experience. The best is “shaking” as this really gets your kundalini moving (kundalini is the powerful creative sexual energy coiled like a sleeping serpent near the base of the spine. One of the goals in Tantra is to gently awaken this dormant energy in order to awaken consciousness and attain enlightenment).

This is how you do the shake: stand up facing each other with your legs hip wide apart and your feet flat on the ground, slightly bend your knees and begin shaking from your abdomen (you can keep your eyes closed). In the beginning you have to make the movement and almost force it on the body, but after a while, you begin to relax into it and let the movement happen to you and just tune in and observe it. Let the body do what it needs to without interfering or judging it. Do it for at least 20 min.

After dancing, sit with your legs crossed facing each other with your knees slightly touching, hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes. This very simple exercise has a very profound effect as the eyes are the window to the soul. By simply looking at each other without talking or judgment, you form a very special communication channel. You drop all of your protection layers and boundaries which allows you to be vulnerable in the eyes of your beloved. Do it for at least 10 min.

Next stage: woman sits on the man with her front of her body against the front of his (this is a very ancient tantric position called Yab Yun)

This posture allows both of you a seated upright position with a straight back facing each other (it is also very good posture for intercourse).

Now you can do circular breathing, where you breath into his mouth and fill him with air and then he breaths into your mouth and vice versa, it is very powerful connector that will sync your breathing and heart rate and will bring you into the moment and ready to explore more.

From there, you can start kissing and carry on loving each other.

Remember these few tips:

• It’s very good to enjoy each other by taking turns to stroke each other, massage each other using oils, enjoy the moment and don’t rush into penetration.
• Also, don’t rush into an orgasm and, if you feel like you are reaching a climax too quickly, then stop, return to the breath and carry on pampering each other.
• Make it a habit to enjoy the process and don’t let  the orgasm be you final goal.
• Slow down from the fast pace of life we live and fully emerge in the moment. Enjoy!

By Ayala Lemel