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Sacred Sexuality

Sacred sexuality is a renewed consciousness of a feminine sexual holiness that’s firmly grounded in our bodies and our psyches says Adele Singer, author of Towards a Soulful Sexuality. It’s an attitude to sexuality that’s “actively sexual” and not necessarily “sexually active” and one that, she believes, should apply throughout a woman’s life, even and especially, in the post-menopausal years.

Writing the book was a kind of personal manifesto for me,” says Adele Singer, whose early experiences of learning yoga, meditation and visualisation with Mani Finger in her early twenties as well as “the soul-based psychology and cutting-edge consciousness teachings” learnt from doing the Tamboo TranceFormation Workshops with Mordechai Brodie over the last 13 years, spurred her to write her enlightening and deeply enquiring book Towards a Soulful Sexuality. Here she explores the history of attitudes towards sex, age and menopause as they have become embedded in our bodies and psyches.

The book attempts to separate fact from fiction regarding the nature of sex, love and spirituality, women’s sexual anatomy and the concept (and history) of menopause  and ageing. In it she states “it requires readers to review, re-define and re-imagine their core beliefs and feelings around these subjects”.

Women and Sex – A Divided Legacy
“Women in general have been defined by their sexuality”, explains Adele. Conflicting viewpoints recur endlessly in history – women were idealised or derided, revered or reviled as evil – according to Adele who states that the matter of “the ageing feminine” is worse and includes and incorporates images of witches, ugliness and uselessness.

Many women, she says, seem to be resigning themselves to an asexual old age, not only becoming sexually inactive because there might be no one to “have sex” with, but by switching off the living active awareness of sexual energy in their lives. “Sexually active” and an “active sexuality” are confused, Adele believes.

She explains how, according to legend, there was once a time when sex was enjoyed without shame, “as a gift of God – an act of joy, of devotion, something perfectly natural and wholly divine – all at the same time. The Goddesses were seen as the embodiment of love, passion and sex”.

But the mindset of patriarchy killed off the Goddess archetypes more than five thousand years ago and the idea of sexuality as spirituality and as something inherently divine was eradicated for all women, young and old. Indeed, for all men as well.

Sexuality was severed from spirituality and became its extreme opposite. Sex was dirty, primitive and instinctual (and feminine in nature) while spirituality was pure,  clean and transcendent (and masculine in nature). Male and female were unequal; spirit and nature were unequal. Man headed the chain of command – after God. As women, and as a culture, Adele says, we have paid dearly for this division. “The misogyny of the patriarchy affected all cultures in the last 2 000 years, one way or another,” she explains.

“Sexuality and spirituality are aspects of the same thing” Adele proposes. “Where science and religion are finding rapprochement in the infinite wave of quantum physics”, she says, we understand that “waves of sexual sensations that emanate from the body can be visualised as cosmic, psychic energy, high-frequency vibrations that bridge us to higher consciousness”.

Menopause and Ageing – The Deat h of Sex or the Rebirth of Life?
“There seems to be a pronounced loss of confidence as age advances – death might or might not scare us, but ageing confuses and confounds us,” Adele says. “The old stereotypes won’t do, but they still haunt us, especially with regards to sexuality.”

Menopause is a transitional experience leading to the rest of our lives, believes Adele, who claims that “it is precisely the ‘rest of our lives’ that we need to reinvent”. “Statistically as a species we are living longer,” she says and therefore menopausal women should realise they have a chunk of good years ahead and, as such, believes women should be asking themselves “how do we intend to live them?”

Post-menopause and ageing are the new frontiers Adele states, “but first we must untangle ourselves from the absurd and awful stereotypes of older women and ageing in general, that infects our culture and deeply affects our own self-evaluations.” She says that it is these nasty assumptions that define who we become and that undermine our courage and self-image.

“Women are terrified of becoming ugly old hags.” The word “hagia”, she explains, means “holy” in Greek and was once a reverential title for wise and respected older women; it then degraded to “hag”. “How did the revered and sacred come to mean old and ugly?”, she asks.

Being sexual after the biological time for childbirth is, theoretically, a time of freedom to explore and enjoy all that sex is and can be, according to Adele who adds that “the fact that menopause is so often the death of sex itself for women is a thought too ridiculous to contemplate”. “Our sexual appetites aren’t lost as we age” but rather, “it is the image of ourselves as sexual that we dutifully abandon.” “Shouldn’t old age be about living healthily until it is time to pass over; a time of wisdom, joy and delight – an adventure in evolution?” Adele asks.

According to Adele, Deepak Chopra suggests that “death by severe illness is the result of a self-fulfilling prophecy with which our culture has indoctrinated us”. She says that “between total capitulation to creeping decrepitude and illness, and total obsession with looking/being/becoming narcissistically young, there is the genuine opportunity for living vital, healthy and meaningful lives, for as long as possible – and then leaving for the other side.”

“Sex itself needs to be redeemed,” Adele believes. The second milestone in a woman’s life, she says, simply announces the end of reproductive capability, yet “by word of mouth – mother to daughter, woman to woman, menopause is reported with sighs and shrugs – as if life as we know it were ending”, she explains. “Menopause shakes women’s confidence and optimism.”

There is the basic physical fact – yes, menstruation winds down and stops – but how much is caused by physical neglect or negative cultural expectations? Weight gain for example, Adele believes can have so many lifestyle causes. “And yet we sigh ‘menopause’, and eat doughnuts. We fail to exercise, and generally abuse our poor bodies. Stuck with boring sex, unsatisfactory relationships, or disappointment with life generally, vaginas dry up. Facing the midlife reality of a life not fully actualised, the bodies falter; facing a future without status, confidence wavers. Expectations decline, we decline.”

“Menopause is not an illness, and should not be solely or mainly a medical experience,” she asserts. Menopause is “a life transition and experience that is greater than the sum of shifting hormones and weakened bones. It is a deep, meaningful experience with potential for personal transformation.”

Towards a Soulful Sexuality
In her two years spent researching and writing the book, Adele stumbled upon many obscure texts of feminine Tantric Buddhism, and explains how in one she found a tantalising reference to the practice of “deliberate and harmonious menopause”. “It immediately struck a cord with me,” she says as it was finally this definition that revealed to her menopause as implying three additional yet essential concepts – intent, anticipation and grace.

In Tantric Buddhism menopause is viewed as “a physical and spiritual gateway to another life” and as the body’s way of preparing for “worldy transcendence”. In this light, Adele says, “menopause is a positive experience of soul; an important life process and a graduation to something grand, and not simply a pathology to endure”.

Hot flashes may signify rising kundalini energy, she says, a surge of strength, a call to power and transformation. The “deliberate” menopause of the immortal Tantric Buddhist sisters involved spiritual practices, meditation and energy circulation. The Tantra and Taoist traditions, Adele claims, offers us “the deep and incontrovertible insight that sex extends beyond the genitals and ejaculatory fluids, and involves flows and streams of energy that are psychosomatic in nature – sexuality seen as a spiritual activity”.

While the Tantra and Taoist methods offer a wealth of profound knowledge, Adele asserts that “they are also steeped in the images, rituals and religious symbols of their culture and exotic metaphors which do not easily resonate for us.” “Nor should they, they carry their own cultural baggage”, she says, reiterating the need to find our own living metaphors to apply and integrate these sexual wisdoms in another way.

In finding a way to bring these insights into a workable model, Adele has developed the HolyMoves workshops that focus on healing the erotic soul or sexual self, using part of the book as homework preparation. “We use discussion and theoretical overview, as well as energy processes, meditations, movements and some dance,” Adele explains. “The workshops act as an interface between the book and actively, rather than theoretically, helps unlock the concepts of sacred sexuality for women. Ultimately women should find their own sense of their holy erotic souls, and it is never about the sex of their previous understanding.”

She says that initially she had thought she would work with older women, but she began attracting women in their 30s and 40s and combining the essences of her lifetime
interest and involvement with movement, dance, bodywork, dance therapies, yoga and Biodanza. “I intend to write more on this amazing subject, but, for now, I am staying close to the material and the exploration through doing the HolyMoves workshops which are evolving.”

Adele says that one way to change our attitudes and beliefs about our sexual natures is by consciously working to clear our subconscious complexes and issues about sex. If we are physical, emotional, mental and spiritual beings, should sex not then dance in all these dimensions?”, she asks.

“Because sex brings pleasure, it does not mean that pleasure is its primary purpose. Of course the art of love should be pleasurable. But there is a vast difference in attitude between the fine art of sensory pleasure and the manic pursuit for various kinds of ego satisfaction. We need to examine our viewpoints and change the narrow-minded avenues we have for energy discharge.”

Beyond Sex – Quantum Sexuality
Viewed as a “magical force in nature”, Adele says that sex can be a transcendent experience – “a bridge to the superconscious”, an “ecstatic trance”, and gateway to higher realms. She claims it can be “a non-drug induced, altered state of consciousness or, in modern language, one could say that we can get high on sex!”

Sex is actually exceedingly good for our health; ancient Chinese Taoists adepts knew this a long time ago and developed a whole science for achieving vitality, longevity, and health using sexual energy, she says. “Sex was overtly part of medicinal healing; the conserving and transforming of sexual energy was a tonic for one’s general health.”

The Taoists worked with breath and with energy channels in the body, seeing it as an almost meditation – “sex as meditation – another new idea for the West!” she retorts.
“They were talking about motions of energy, internal winds, and fires; and not discussing genital spots and ejaculation!”

“To explore and experience this ‘liberating ecstasy’, we have to fundamentally change our attitudes and conceive of ourselves and our bodies themselves as being a part of
spirit and soul; sexuality as an integral part of spiritual life and practices,” Adele asserts.

She explains how sexual love generates physical life – the human child – and how sexual love can also generate a spiritual life and “the realisation of our absolute being”. In the yoga/Tantra tradition she says, one universal truth binds all – the macro-cosmic body of the universe is reflected in the micro-cosmic body of the individual through complex energy systems.

Rooted in the subtle body within and around each of us lies the dazzling life force of a coiled serpent slumbering at the base of the spine – the kundalini. When this latent power is awakened, it uncoils itself in waves of ecstasy and vital currents that ascend through the central channel of the subtle body, and up and down two side channels on either side of the spine, creating a transcendent experience of energies moving in wave frequencies within the physical structure – up to the brain and beyond, to the universal oneness.

“Expansion and contraction are the two main factors that bring one to the high experience of sexual climax, and are at the beginning and end of all creation”, says yoga and Tantra. The Taoist universe is filled with different kinds of dynamic energy, Adele enlightens, adding that “when we surrender to orgasm, we allow ourselves to vibrate in the universe”. Every sensation, thought and emotion, she says, becomes saturated with holy bliss – “Inside of you is what is outside of you”, the old oracle speaks.

“At the root of sex we discover the cosmos. The mysterious centre of spirituality hides an erotic heart. Our physical matter is holy.” “This is quantum sex,” Adele states – a new/old scared sex for the postmenopausal years. She further adds that quantum sex can work alone, or with a beloved partner. It can work with much physical effort or with little.

Matter and energy in science parallel Shiva and Shakti in Tantra, Ida and Pingala in yoga, Yin and Yang in Taoism, Adele explains. “All of these are metaphors for body and spirit, carrying positive and negative force”, she adds. “Quantum sex requires empowered women who have redeemed the goddess within, which means, among other-self-loving things, liberating her wisdom and sexuality.

By Angela Myers

For more information on the HolyMoves workshops and dates for upcoming workshops in 2009, email Adele Singer at adele@gruber.co.za. Towards a Soulful Sexuality is available for purchase at www.amazon.com